1. |
A Ghost
02:12
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there was a ghost last night hiding in my wall
i tried to let it out
i couldn't understand its name
through its moans and cries and shouts
i felt it brush against my hand
i recognized the touch
upon my skin my lips my tongue
i didn't think i missed you that much
i breathed it in and breathed it out
your ghost filled up my lungs
and mine decided to join too
with old forgotten songs
that we had shared in other lifetimes
when i could hold your heart
but i didn't see the open window
and your ghost drifted out into the dark
come back
come back
come back
come back
come back...
but you can't come back
and you won't come back
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2. |
Now
03:28
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it was cold outside
i shouldn't have gone but i did and i
wanted to find you
and bring you inside
i called your name
but you didn't respond so i shouted and
it didn't matter, my voice was
lost in the night
i tried to go back
thinking bout choices, decisions, and
all the misshapen steps i had taken
to end up here
and my feet felt heavy then
but they feel heavier now
they feel heavier now
i sat in the snow
hoping and waiting for something like
a light or a glimmering shimmer i
didn't know
my heart was a mess
a cinderblock frozen and breaking
full of love, full of poison and venom i
gave it to you
i'd take it all back
would that i could but i can't and now
there's blood in between all the messes i
didn't say
and my feet felt heavy then
but they feel heavier now
they feel heavier now
and my blood bled black then
but it bleeds redder now
it bleeds better now
i didn't find your ghost out there
you didn't haunt the cold night air
but i just couldn't leave
and my heart was heavy then
you were weighing me down
you were weighing me down
and tears fell half frozen
you were dragging them down
you were dragging them down
and i tumbled gently
you were laying me down
you were laying me down
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3. |
Constellations
04:33
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i had a dream that night
that things were simpler than they are
that i could hold you
and you weren't so far
with my eyes shut tight
you were more than just a ghost
you were breathing and laughing
but the closer we got the more i choked and i woke
and please don't let me go
cuz i am almost home
i was alone again
i shut and rubbed my eyes
and constellations
flooded and jumped into the sky
but they were strangers
they were maps of things i hadn't seen
and whatever i had thought was you
was just pouring from dead galaxies
so i'll breathe into your ghost
and maybe i'll bring you home
in the dream you said "i love you"
at the time, i found it true, through and through
but the thing that said "i love you"
was a misremembered version of you
in the dream you said "i love you"
and from far away i thought it was true
but when you said "i love you"
i knew at once it couldn't be you
so as long as i'm awake i'll try to fix my mistakes
and whenever i'm asleep at least in dreams i know you'll talk to me
the dream died down
the stars gave up their perch
and your ghost blew past me
twirling around the elms and birch
so for now i'll say "i love you"
in the morning light i recognize your face
as you turn and mouth
"i love you"
but it's still too difficult for you to say
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4. |
This Isn't It/Your Ghost
07:01
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inside it was darker than the black night
and the door was shut and locked tight
and my teeth held back cries
inside it was colder than the frostbite
and the underside of my eyes
still thought you were by my side
but i sank down deep into the soil
down deep beneath the floorboards
and i sank down deep into the ocean
flooding underneath the basement
because you didn't follow me home
cold eyes were searching by the fireside
were hoping under streetlights
that that's where they'd find
someone a lonely heart long gone
a ghost without a tied tongue
but it was just you
and i was still stuck drowning in the basement
water rushing off with passports
and i sank down deeper into pictures
photos taken of the future
i tried to look but the water stung cold
i know there can be a happy ending
this isn't it, boy, you know this isn't it
and i know that our wounds are slowly mending
but this isn't it, boy, you know this isn't it
black tides were filling up my mind
caught under the riptide
but you were still miles high
soaring away from the roaring
despite the alluring
fact that the waves inside
of you harmonized with the crashing
tidal symphonies of drowned things
as my lungs cried helplessly for mercy
at the flooding walls of history
and as i choked you turned away from me
there's a time and a place for loving gently
this isn't it, boy, you know this isn't it
but i know that this cannot be the ending
this isn't it, boy, you know this isn't it
i found your ghost last night hiding in my wall
it should've stayed inside
i gave it life it didn't have
a touch of my own light
and drowning now, i feel it linger
before it disappears
the waves rush off to far off places
but i'm still here
there's a current leading somewhere back to meet you
this isn't it, boy, you know this isn't it
and there will come a time when i'm not see-through
this isn't it, boy, you know this isn't it
but i see it in your eyes, this isn't over
this isn't it, boy, you know this isn't it
and i know that in time we will start over
this isn't it, boy, you know this isn't it
and 'til it is i'll hold my breath a moment
keep my lungs aloft with hopeful tunes
and my wet eyes readjust to blackness
taking in the flooding crawlspace
and far away your ghost reconnects with you
my mind was soothed by lullabies
my hands were held tight
by voices tired and kind
whispers like timid vespers
or cautious testers
of lovers' hearts and minds
and i'm pulled down rocking all the while
pulled away into a healing home
where i sleep through oxygen and daylight
keeping quiet still and upright
until the day i won't have to be alone
and i'm sure that day will soon be coming
but this isn't it, boy, you know this isn't it
but i can see it full of trust and loving
but this isn't it, boy, you'll have to wait a bit
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The Whaling Wall Montreal, Québec
i am a dude from montreal who wrote 4 songs when he was sick in bed.
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